thrashturbate:

cynical-bee:

thrashturbate:

I’ll bet you’d look adorable grasping at the sheets on my bed

no matter how many times u compliment me im not making ur bed

this has to be one of the best responses I’ve gotten to this text post

uchihai:

… i wrote ‘naruto selection’ instead of ‘natural selection’ on my biology homework.

svveden:

*puts on lifejacket* i am ready for intercourse

weedjoke420:

olivegarden:

jesus was actually kinda hot

you are a restaurant

"Are you the SAT because I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a 10 minute break halfway through for snacks, and then I can stare at you for like 10 minutes and think ‘wow, I hope I don’t ruin this.’"
Dude on OKC with the best pick up lines I have ever heard (via hate)
bonsaibones:

I’m in love with this gif. Everything about it. The rain drizzling. The candle flickering. The colors. I love it.

bonsaibones:

I’m in love with this gif. Everything about it. The rain drizzling. The candle flickering. The colors. I love it.

Anonymous asked: one time I was at work (a convenience store) this guy asked to use our bathroom. he started to head for it once I gave him the keys and he asked if he could have a magazine to read. but none of the regular magazines were good enough, he only wanted semi-pornographic ones. as fucked up as it seems, I gave them to him because he seemed old and feeble and I was really tired so fuck it, I guess. later it turns out the guy died while jerkin it from a heart attack. The worst part is I wasn't even supp

nosdrinker:

I think tumblr ate the second part of this message but this is so wild it doesn’t even matter

ink-its-art:

Stunning black tattoos by Jonny Breeze. He is a tattoo artist working between London and Brighton.

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